Getting Ready for My Trip to France

I’ve been meaning to get up to speed on my french, but there have been too many diversions (the slow, spiraling fall of the national prestige, Nipplegate, IRS suits knocking at my door). So, thanks to the Internet, I’ve learned what I need to know:

I understand your language perfectly.
Je parle français comme une vache espagnole.

Stupid uncultured lout.
Stupide beauf inculte.

Where can I find the dissidents?
Où se trouvent les dissidents ?  

It’s nothing compared to our shopping centers.
Ça ne vaut rien à côté de nos grandes surfaces.

I’m a personal friend of the Ambassador.
Je suis ami[e] intime de l’Ambassadeur.

I know I’m naked, could you just tell me how to get back to the hotel?
Je le sais bien que je suis à poil; je veux simplement savoir comment rentrer à l’hôtel.

Don’t you speak English?
Vous parlez pas anglais ?

It’s better in the States.
C’est mieux aux Etats-Unis.

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